Kitchen Confidential

3:38 pm · category: Uncategorized

I like to cook.  I’m a good cook.  I’m especially good at modifying recipes, and I enjoy experimenting.  But sometimes I should just stay out of the kitchen, heat or not.

These are the things I’ve discovered in the last two weeks:

  • You cannot make a cheese sauce with soy milk and reduced-fat sharp cheddar.  It tastes like melted ice cream with cheese in it.
  • That thing in your knife set that looks like an oversized ice pick is not an oversized, totally ineffective ice pick.  It’s a knife sharpener.
  • One cup of uncooked orzo makes a shitload of cooked orzo.
  • You can make homemade duck sauce by spending hours chopping fruit and putting it through the food processor and adding tons of stuff to it and boiling it.  Or you can heat one jar of each of plum and apricot jams together, throw in some soy sauce and garlic powder, and end up with a much tastier homemade duck sauce.
  • You can eat the cocktail sauce that’s been in your refrigerator for a year and the shrimp that’s been in your freezer for six months, but you probably shouldn’t.

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