Dec

22

All Hail! Also: Ah, Hell.

7:39 pm · category: Dog Days

There are two dogs we have come in every two weeks named Jazzie (a Shih Tzu) and J.C. (a Chihuahua) Shaw.  Of course I call J.C. “Jesus Christ.”  “Jesus Christ, your anal gland smells unholy this week!”  “Be still!  Jesus Christ!”

Lately I’ve been calling the pair DJ Jazzie Shaw and the Fresh Prince of Peace.  Either nobody else gets it, or nobody else thinks it’s funny.  I, of course, think it’s hilarious.

*****

Louise, my Boxer, is STILL on her period.  She’s also completely hormonal.  She’s normally very docile and never acts out, but she has been CRAZY for the last couple of weeks.

First she got into one of the lower kitchen cabinets and shredded three packages of napkins.  That really pissed me off, because I never use napkins or paper towels unless I have a party.  Consequently, I can buy one 300-pack of napkins and it will last me a couple of years.  Now I’m going to have to restock.  Grrr.

Twice this weekend Lou knocked the lid off the garbage can on the deck, which is rarely used — so rarely, in fact, that there were diapers in there from the Fourth of July party I had.  So twice I had to clean up shredded diapers, 100 or so empty bags of pool shock, and approximately 10,000 cigarette butts.  Blechh.  (Yeah, I finally got wise and emptied the whole thing into the big trash can in the garage.)

Today I came home to find my under-the-sink garbage can lying on its side on the kitchen floor, its contents strewn from one side of the room to the other.  And Lou KNEW she was in trouble, because she was slinking around with her belly so close to the ground I thought she was going to chafe her engorged nipples.

*****

But tomorrow is another day.  A DAY WITH 30 DOGS ON THE BOOK.

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