Archive for December, 2007

Dec

28

Product Testing

A couple of weeks ago Allison at allison wonderland asked for volunteers to test her homemade bath salts and scented candles. I had to pass on the candles due to Rocco’s allergies, but today I received a jar of lavender-scented bath salts. All the way from Canada!

I’m “testing” the bath salts tomorrow (Saturday) because I bathe (rather than shower) on Wednesdays and Saturdays. That might sound weird, but if I don’t have a set schedule for sitting in the tub, I won’t do it. And I must sit in the tub and bathe. You see, I am completely incapable of shaving my legs in the shower for a couple of reasons: (a) I’m afraid of falling; and (b) I hate wasting water that way. So I have to actually plan to sit in the bath to shave, or I’ll never do it. And then there’ll be reports of a tiny female Sasquatch on the loose in rural Arkansas. Have I mentioned lately that I’m incredibly hirsute? Because I am. Truth be told, we’re not talking about just leg hair. We’re talking about all hair that’s not on my head, most of which must be trimmed, plucked, or completely removed regularly. So this is much-needed, twice-weekly, specifically planned body maintenance. I also deep condition my hair, completely exfoliate my face, and boil out my ears on Wednesdays and Saturdays while I’m in the bath.

I should have called this post “TMI 2.”

Dec

24

O Holy Night

Last night we had a freakish windstorm. (The Fabulous Tropical Tiki Hut moved halfway across the deck!) Rocco and I were wrapping gifts while watching The Wizard of Oz when the electricity kaflooied.

A quick call to the electric company made it known that power wouldn’t be restored for three hours. So we did what people must have done in olden times before such modern marvels as digital cable and track lighting were commonplace: we read old issues of TV Guide by candlelight.

Alas, the publications didn’t hold our interest. (I already know that James is not going to use either of his two Immunity Idols to save his ass, making him the second-stupidest so-called Survivor in history. The first is Todd, who gave James both Immunity Idols. And yet the two of them went home with $100,000 and $1,000,000, respectively. The mind fucking boggles.)

So Rocco and I lit more candles, pulled out a couple of hymnals, and sang Christmas songs with piano accompaniment.

It was exactly as Hallmark special/schmaltzy/cool as you are imagining it to be.

Dec

23

Not Actual Size. DAMMIT!

Rocco and I exchanged Christmas/birthday gifts tonight. (His birthday is Dec. 28; mine is Jan. 08.) I got him the Wicked soundtrack, a laptop cooling pad, and premium chocolates.

He got me a 12″ Giles action figure!

In addition to the actual figure, the package came with removable glasses, a wooden cross, a sword, and a tee-niny Gachnar. I have a little fear demon!

The weirdest thing is that Giles has socks. I know this because I have taken his socks off and put them back on.

In two weeks I’ll be 34 years old. Tonight I’m playing with a doll.

Dec

12

There Will Be No Probe, Nor Will There Be Probing of Any Kind

8:02 pm · category: Rocco's Modern Life... With Me

Today I sent Rocco to the car auction to buy me a new car. (And by “new car” I mean “new to me.”) There were three rules for purchase: (1) small car; (2) good gas mileage; (3) no Ford Probes. I guess I should have been more specific, because this is the phone conversation I had at 10 a.m. today:

Rocco: I found the perfect car. It’s a 1995 Ford Escort station wagon. 70,000 miles, one owner, mint condition.
Me: No.
Rocco: But, Bradi –
Me: I said no.
Rocco: You don’t understand –
Me: No, you don’t understand. I am not driving a station wagon unless you and I make three babies to put in the back seat.
Rocco: Right. I’ll keep looking.

I ended up with a two-door Grand Am.

Dec

8

Cleaning House

I meant for the post title to demonstrate that I’m mentioning a lot of little things that I keep forgetting to post about, but I have been cleaning house. Every day. Thanks to FlyLady. You should really try it out. Your house will be clean and you won’t even have to plan what to do or when to do it.

Remember that whole thing with my boss’s inability to take responsibility and do her job? Last Monday I contacted our area manager, who’s responsible for employee issues. He was horrified by my story and assured me the issue would be addressed. On Wednesday my boss told me she was writing me up because there was 75 minutes of overtime on the last payroll. I’m also losing part of my bonus for November. The 75 minutes of overtime meant we paid someone $5 more. I’m not even kidding.

Tomorrow Rocco and I are going to church together. It will be the first time I’ve attended religious services in exactly one year.

I have five unread comic books sitting on my nightstand. This is a sentence I’d have never typed exactly one year ago.

My middle sister LaTasha has created a blog tracking my mother’s recovery from her medical nightmare.

Meghan has a link on her blog to some terrifically cute hand-made hair bows. My youngest sister Kyli should keep these in mind for her daughter, Tayden. They’re extra-super cute.

bettie has some photos of the WGA Strike from Mutant Enemy Day at Fox. You can see Joss Whedon’s arm and enough of Nathan Fillion to make me salivate. bettie was on the picket line.

The colon cleanse/total body purification is going nicely. No discomfort, no diarrhea, and no funny smells oozing from my pores.

Confession: I was disappointed that I didn’t win a NaBloPoMo prize. I think that, subconsciously, I thought that I was supposed to win a prize, karmically speaking. Because, let’s be honest: between my mother’s brain exploding and the shit at work and the near-decapitation event, the final quarter of 2007 kind of sucked. But then I thought that karma would bite me in the ass for thinking karma owed me. And then my head sort of exploded in that vicious circle sort of way, so I stopped thinking about it.

The Christmas tree and decorations are in place. Rocco tried to hang gym socks from the mantle for stockings. Naturally, I objected.

If you know any wealthy people who like to give Christmas gifts to strangers, please tell them I’d like a basic digital camera so I can participate in 12 of 12, a “blank” spice rack so I can put what I want/need/use in it, and a personal assistant whose sole responsibility is to clean the litter box.

Dec

5

I Can Never Stay Mad

10:26 pm · category: Rocco's Modern Life... With Me

… and now Rocco just spent five solid minutes doing the “stairway walk” back and forth behind the couch until I turned to watch him, at which point he kept it up until I peed my pants a little.

Dec

5

Exclamation Point!

9:23 pm · category: Rocco's Modern Life... With Me

Me to Rocco at the dinner table tonight:

“May I remind you again that it is not necessary to punctuate your statements with an emphatic fart?”

The key word here is “again.”