Archive for November, 2007



Pissed. Off.

Tonight I was on the interstate about three miles from home when something struck my windshield with great force, shattering it. My initial reaction was, “That asshole. I’m chasing him down. ” Then I realized I couldn’t see to chase him because, you know, the windshield was shattered. Once I was pulled over to the shoulder, I took note of the damage. Basically, my windshield was spider-webbed from one end to the other, with a giant hole on the driver’s side at what would be a couple of inches above my head. I was covered in glass; it was in my hair, stuck to my face, all over my clothes, down my shirt — it was even in my shoes. I was afraid to unbuckle my seat belt and get out of the car because there was so much glass on me. I called 911.

I later learned that the semi (cab only) in front of me was towing another semi cab. The plate covering the fuel tank had flown off the truck, which was traveling at 70 mph (112 km) before crashing into my windshield. It struck with such force that the metal plate rended in two. One piece struck the SUV behind me; the other piece flew across the median and into the northbound traffic. The gentleman driving the SUV behind me chased down the driver of the semi cab and told him what had happened. (The SUV driver, as it turns out, is an insurance adjuster.)

Rocco came to take me home after I filed the police report. As soon as I got home, I called my boss and told her that I could be on call via phone, but if the night auditor at the hotel called in I could not possibly come in. You need to understand that I started this job four months ago and have been on call 24 hours a day, every day since the day I started. The only two days I haven’t been on call was the day my mother went into a coma and the day of the costume party. I get at least three work-related phone calls at home each night. I have been called in nine times to work the night audit, immediately after which I worked the day shift, pulling a double. My boss said, and I quote, “Who are you going to get to come in if the night auditor calls in?”

And… I can’t even finish the story. It is so long and detailed and infuriating that it’s kind of making me physically ill just thinking about it. So here’s all I’m telling you. The night auditor called in. The boss refused to take the shift.

I’m not kidding. Tonight I was almost decapitated by a piece of metal traveling 70 miles an hour. My car is not drivable. And my boss wanted me to work the night shift after working a nine-hour shift today.

I’m not doing it, by the way. After two hours of trying, we got someone to cover the shift until the auditor can come in. But I am furious and sort of nauseated.




10:57 pm · category: Rocco's Modern Life... With Me

Things Rocco has told me today that I wish he hadn’t:

He hates Christmas.
What he did in a hotel room in West Plains, Missouri.
What it felt like when his sister bit off his third nipple. (!!!)
He thinks Dick Van Dyke is “delicious.”



Well, Shit

11:11 pm · category: Body of Mine

Tomorrow I’m starting a two-week colon cleanse regimen.

I told you I was running out of things to blog about.



Where To Go And What To Get

9:43 pm · category: Category Free, How Can I Help?

Meghan of Pyreflies over Zanarkand posted this, which gave me an idea for a not-boring and helpful post. Don’t spend a gozillion dollars with unhappy shoppers on mass-produced gifts. Buy from my internet friends! They’re poor and talented.

mouse sells beautiful custom-made jewelry and accessories over at LollyBeads. Check out her newest additions, the hairsticks.

makes beautiful handmade cards over at Rather Crafty, which is aptly named.

also has her own online store, and she makes all kinds of shit. But right now she has only two items up, so you better hurry! Just think, you could have a scarf made in Hollywood. You could pretend like you’re Isadora Duncan. (Watch the wheel!)

My friend Robin has prints of her spectacular photos available at Enchanted Visions.

Finish up the rest of your holiday shopping with these links so I can continue to indulge in my love of all things Buffy.



It’s Like Living With Mulder

11:53 pm · category: Rocco's Modern Life... With Me

Things About Which Rocco Has Conspiracy Theories
(1) The Arkansas Razorbacks’ relationship to the Arkansas Freemason’s Order of the Boar.
(2) White-winged dragons from the lower fourth dimension.
(3) Chickens. (I don’t know. Something about the media’s inundation of chickens and chicken-related objects on television.)
(4) The flu shot.



Bored Now

12:37 am · category: Aunt Doodie, The Whole Fam Damnly

I don’t know what I was thinking with this whole NaBloPoMo thing. I mean, I don’t have 30 things to say, much less 30 interesting things to say.

Yesterday I had my sister post for me. (This involved giving her my user name and password, as well as dictating the post to her. If some crazy shit starts showing up here, it’s because of her.) I was too lazy to go home and was having too much fun continuing to gorge myself on leftovers to leave Aunt Doodie’s house. But I couldn’t not blog, because I’ve made this silly commitment and I’m kind of big on commitment.

In three days I’ll probably be writing posts that say, “This is my post for Wednesday.” But I will be posting.




11:06 pm · category: The Whole Fam Damnly

Last night I realized that if my family were in hiding like Anne Frank’s, we would turn each other in.

Posted for me by my sister Kyli while I was indisposed.



The Aftermath

7:22 pm · category: The Whole Fam Damnly

Thanksgiving Menu:
2 pans of dressing
1 turkey
1 ham
5 casseroles
2 other dishes
3 pans rolls
1 cake
2 pies

Number of People:

Amount of Food Initially Eaten:
Less than 1/6

And we are still bloated and huge and stuffed!



I Love a Ritual Sacrifice

Only 3.5 hours left at work, then I’m off to the family dinner. I should be too busy stuffing my face and getting hammered to post later, so here are a couple of snippets from “Pangs,” my favorite episode of Buffy.

Willow: Yeah. Thanksgiving isn’t about blending of 2 cultures. It’s about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part where, with the maize and the big, big belt buckles. They don’t show you the next scene, where all the bison die and squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.
Buffy: Ok. Now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
Willow: Well, yeah, sort of. That’s why she doesn’t celebrate thanksgiving or columbus day– You know, the destruction of the indigenous peoples. I know it sounds a little overwrought, but really, she’s…She’s right.
Buffy: Yeah. I guess I never really thought about it that way. With mom at Aunt Darlene’s this year, I’m not getting a thanksgiving. Maybe it’s just as well.
Anya: Well, I think that’s a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It’s not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice, with pie.


Buffy: It’s so not fair. I mean, they all get a family holiday just because they can go home to their families.
Willow: Hmm, it’s a turvy-topsy world.
Buffy: You know what? I should have my own Thanksgiving. I can cook the meal, just like my mom does, have all you guys over. It’ll be great.
Willow: Buffy, earlier you agreed with me about Thanksgiving. It’s a sham. It’s all about death.
Buffy: It is a sham, but it’s a sham with yams. It’s a yam sham.



Happy Thanksgiving!

11:34 pm · category: Category Free

I’m working tomorrow (Day 11 out of 14 consecutive days!), so you’re getting your Thanksgiving greeting a day early. Happy Thanksgiving!