How To Have a Successful Slumber Party

Plan A

  • I don’t know about you, but all the slumber parties I ever went to usually devolved into some of the group picking on and/or hazing others. This can easily be solved by making sure there are significant age differences among the attendees. Last weekend I went to a slumber party that included my 51-year-old aunt, my 24-year-old cousin, my 12-year-old cousin, and my eight-year-old niece. No one’s panties got frozen, and no one had her hand stuck in cups of water while she was sleeping.
  • Have good AND fun food. We had homemade chicken and dumplings for dinner, Purple Cows for dessert, and cheese toast for breakfast. I must say that the Purple Cows — which were my idea — were a great success. No one had ever had one except for my aunt and me, and the other three fell in love with them.
  • Watch a silly movie that everyone can enjoy. We watched Thirteen Going on Thirty, which I’d have never picked out. But we all enjoyed it, and I decided that Jennifer Garner is just the cutest little thing. The image of her doing the Thriller dance will stay with me forever.

Plan B

  • Get snowed in at the hotel you work at. Have your 32-year-old cousin deliver a baby* a mile from the hotel and be unable to get home.
  • Eat lots of Chinese food while holed up in the hotel room.
  • The next day, eat lots of Indian food while holed up in the hotel room.
  • Watch Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team and Extreme Makeover. Be sure to make sarcastic remarks about the cheerleaders — especially when they say things like “I know in my heart that Jesus wants me to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. He put it in my heart when I was just a little girl.”

*I kept telling people that Kim was going to “deliver a baby, then come down to the hotel and eat Chinese and have cocktails with me.” Everyone was horrified. I didn’t realize they thought she was giving birth to the baby rather than catching the baby.

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