Today is my last day at my current job. I’ll move this Sunday and start the new job on Tuesday. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to be online, so posting might become even more infrequent. But I bet if I asked really nicely, Sandy will let me use the computer at her work. Right, Sandy? Right???
Archive for September, 2006
Last night on the way home from work I stopped at a discount store and bought kitty litter, pantyhose, and a chocolate bar.
I felt like I’d just stepped into the Cathy comic strip.
CAREERS I’VE HAD
Journalist Technically, my first “real” job out of college was as the creative consultant to the advertising department of a daily broadsheet. FYI: Advertising is the only department of a small newspaper in which a person can make real money because of commissions. I was creating the ads, layouts and special sections — and earning jack.
Public School Teacher: Secondary English, Speech and Journalism It took so much more than it gave. But it gave so much.
Youth Minister It probably would have been awesome at the right time and in the right environment. But in the end it was just badness.*
Hotel Management Right now I enjoy 90% of the job. I’ll probably always hate sales calls; it’s just not one of my fortes. But I love interacting with the guests and my employees. Much of the job is similar to teaching.
JOBS I’VE HAD TO SUPPLEMENT MY INCOME
Ordained Minister Fifty bucks a pop every weekend to perform marriage ceremonies is easy cash, especially when getting the minister’s license involves sending five bucks to an address in the classifieds of the National Enquirer.**
Tutor She was a tiny five-year-old immigrant from Hong Kong named Eva. (Is it any wonder that, to this day, I call her Little Eva?) I quit when she was able to do mental math better than I could — which was when she was in second grade. Adding an entire column of five-digit numbers in your head when you’re eight years old means you’re automatically issued an I’m Smarter Than Innocent Bystander badge. Now she’s at West Point.
Domestic When I was in seminary, I cleaned houses. And I was so damned thorough. This explains why I’m so picky when I do housekeeping inspections at the hotel, although it calls into question why my own home usually has a thin layer of dust and small mound of dishes soaking in the sink.
Research Paper Ghost Writer I’ve written probably 20 papers for cash. Maybe five of them have received a grade of “B” or above. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t dumb it down enough. (Doesn’t anyone know how to use complex sentences?)
JOBS I’VE CONSIDERED HAVING
Wet Nurse My boobs are just sitting there doing nothing. I have this feeling that I’d produce awesome breast milk.
Foot Model I have the smallest feet on the planet; I suspect my parents practiced Chinese foot binding on me. Surely there’s a call for pretty size five feet out there, right?
*The progressive, euphemistic term for said badness is “major depressive event.” FYI: They used to call it “nervous breakdown.” I totally have my artist street cred now!
**I sent a check to an address in the Enquirer classifieds a full eight years before I felt my call to actual ordained ministry. I fully admit that it was nothing more than a money-making opportunity. I just hope the UMC never finds out about it…
Yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day.
So at my job interview yesterday, perhaps I shouldn’t have said, “Aye, if it’s a large treasure chest and amazin’ booty ye seek, fix yer gaze upon this applicant.”
Just kidding! I got the job. I set sail for the new position in two weeks.
Last Friday I was taking side roads on my way back to work after cashing my check and paying my “big” bills (rent, utilities, balance on my recent bought-on-the-installment-plan TV). I was tuned in to a radio station playing Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody, and for the first time in my life I was “getting it,” meaning that I was understanding the lyrics and not just marveling at the composition and harmonies. I mean, they were singing about murder. This was important stuff.
But just as the “mama mia” section of the classic started, I caught glimpse of a little girl. She was pedaling furiously down the sidewalk of her residential side street on her bicycle wearing a plain, sea-green dress that buttoned at the nape of her neck and came to her knees.
I turned off the radio and gawked at her, slowing to 15 mph and apparently appearing excessively overly cautious in the 20 mph school zone. My music epiphany was immediately and completely forgotten. I followed the little girl in my rea and side mirrors all the way to the next stoplight until she rounded a corner and I lost sight of her.
I don’t know how to explain it, but that little girl made me feel whole.
If I had anything even moderately interesting or newsworthy to share, I would. But I don’t. So you go ahead and say something. Right here, right now.
*I have never seen this movie.
Because that’s what the boss does!
I’ve been fairly busy since I returned from Atlanta, but I feel like a heel for not updating in a timely manner. Here are the highlights of the trip:
- I spent $160 on food in eight days — which is more than I spend on groceries in a month. But I had the best four-cheese manicotti ever, prime rib that was so juicy and rare that the idea of steak sauce horrified me, and one of everything on the menu at The Cheesecake Factory. Okay, no, the last one was what I wanted, but it’s not what I actually had. Let it be known that I’ve had classes where the desk tops were smaller than the platters at The Cheesecake Factory.
- I remembered that time zones are stupid.
- I had quite a bit of trouble adjusting to the fact that I’d crossed the Invisible Channel Barrier, wherein all radio and television call letters suddenly begin with “W” instead of “K.” I hate that.
- I realized I can drive in metro traffic at rush hour, which is good! Someday I might live in a place that has more than three traffic lights, so it’s nice to know I have that skill.
- I scored a 95% on my test and I didn’t even study. All the questions I missed were math related, which is sort of depressing because I had — and used — a calculator.
- I had dinner with Rob, who was very un-Ted like and just as delightful as Cindy promised. However, he was also a perfect gentleman, so there was no “steamy infinite sex.” Dammit.