Jul

19

Truths and Lies

10:01 am · category: Embracing My Inner Geek
  • When I was in elementary, I knew a special ed teacher named Tiny Fraily. But no one has ever met the fabled twins Lemongello and Orangello, no matter what they say.
  • My youngest sister once rammed her fingers into a broken door and had to have the splinters under her fingernails surgically removed. However, no one has ever sat down in a movie theater, felt a sharp prick, and discovered a needle attached to a note that reads, “Now you have AIDS, too.”
  • In his twenties, my father was pulled over by a policeman for flashing his brights at oncoming traffic to give the motorists a heads up about the officer they were about to encounter. But there has not been a single instance in which street gangs choose their marks by driving without headlights at night and then attack the friendly motorists who alert them.
  • My friend Billy has six toes on one foot. Anne Boleyn had six fingers on one hand, as well as a supernumerary nipple. Catherine the Great, however, did not perish during a sexual encounter with a horse.
  • I once said to a gum-chewing student, “Spit or swallow; it’s up to you.” Yet Captain Kirk never uttered the words, “Beam me up, Scotty.”

My truths are stranger than fiction.

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