Jun

30

I’ve Got a Secret

10:06 am · category: Embracing My Inner Geek

In the early 1990s I placed third in an essay contest sponsored by Sassy magazine. I don’t recall the exact essay topic, but I do remember that I advocated changes in the U.S. public education system that paralleled the system in Scandinavian countries, where the population’s literacy rate is at 100%.* I won a camcorder.**

I never told anyone about this particular achievement. One week before I found out I placed in the contest, a cute boy-type friend saw me perusing a copy of Sassy and made fun of me. Because I admired him so much, I felt silly and immature in my choice of reading material.

Fast forward a decade or so. Said cute boy-type friend was a key researcher on the infamous Dan Rather story about Bush’s service record in the Texas national Guard on CBS’s 60 Minutes Wednesday.*** And to quote Matty, “Where is Dan Rather now? Mopping up at the peep shows, that’s where.”****

I’m not embarrassed anymore. Hey, world! I placed in a national essay contest! Slap my hand now!

*That was, like, three years before I even considered becoming an English teacher in the public school system. At that point, I was totally going to be an investigative reporter. Which makes *** all the more ironic. But still true!
**Six months later, the camcorder was gone — along with my stereo, two pieces of computer equipment I’d borrowed from the local high school, a Jim Croce two-disc CD set (still pissed off about that, even though I replaced it), a Meatloaf two-disc CD set (still embarrassed about that), and a riding lawn mower. Turns out my roommate’s son fenced the items for drug money a couple of months before he held us hostage at knife point on Valentine’s Day. But that’s a whole other post.
***There’s so much more to that story than the general public will ever know — or, at least, recognize. That was just a cheap shot at my boy-type friend made at his expense to get in a Matty joke, because Matty is hilarious and I think everyone should frequent his website. It’s filled with comedy gold.
****Matty likely has no idea who I am and will kick my online ass when he finds out about this. What he doesn’t know is that I’m Rumpelstiltskin, and I will soon take his first born son — whichever twin that is.

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