Archive for May, 2006



A Thought

3:18 pm · category: Embracing My Inner Geek

Do you think when they told Aunt Rhodey about the goose, they broke it to her gently to minimize her pain instead of doing it in an annoying sing-song way?



Food For Thought… Or Something Like That

12:27 pm · category: Uncategorized

Is it weird that when I make a salad for myself, I chop up dill pickles and toss them in? Not tuna salad — just the regular lettuce kind.



Red Trash Can Diaries

4:42 pm · category: Uncategorized

This morning I bought this trash can for my kitchen. It’s stainless steel and red. I am in lurve with it. I wanted a red couch for the longest, but I could never find one I could afford. The red trash can will have to do. I also bought some three-way light bulbs, because it turns out I own two lamps that are three-way. [doh]

I also washed two (giant) loads of clothes and finished putting away my house — even those little things that you never know what the hell to do with. I was very productive and deserved a treat; hence, the red trash can, which I love.

And for Sandy, who would otherwise never get to see this, I gift you with this link. Enjoy!



Most People Around Here Can’t Tell Payless From Prada

12:41 pm · category: Hotel Hell

Yesterday we had this terribly snooty, unreasonably demanding guest in house. (She and Waiter inspired the last post.) She was so critical of our hotel (far and away the nicest in town) that I told her that, because we were clearly unable to please her, I was going to make reservations for her at another hotel in town. She backpedaled like Lance Armstrong on crack.

In what I assume was an attempt to smooth over relations with the hotel staff, she complimented my Guest Services Manager’s shoes, asking, “Who are they?” My GSM replied, with a completely straight face, “Mine.”




Thank You, Waiter

5:20 pm · category: Hotel Hell

Someone at recently pointed me toward Waiter Rant, and it has thoroughly amused me for the last week or so. The blog author, who refers to himself only as “Waiter,” reminds me a lot of myself in the way we deal with our respective customers — his diners, mine guests. It amazes me that so many people have not yet figured out that being as polite to the people who are serving you as they are to you is not just a smart way to get them to go the extra mile, it’s just plain good manners. Didn’t their mamas ever teach them to kill people with kindness? Or that if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all? (I’m not talking about legitimate complaints. I’m talking about complaining loudly in the lobby because there’s only one elevator for a small, 56-room hotel. Good Lord.)

We are now into the “summer season” of the hotel business here, which means that we are booked to capacity almost every weekend due to special events, family reunions, ball tournaments, etc. (Generally, my hotel caters to business executives during the week, so weekends are our slow time.) My poor staff is already being run ragged trying accommodate the (almost exclusively) unreasonable demands made by guests who do not understand that we are a mid-scale hotel in rural Arkansas, not a full-service hotel in a metropolitan area. This means that in addition to clean, comfortable rooms (I have an awesome housekeeping staff), we also provide high-speed wireless internet access throughout the complex, a 24-hour business center, a state-of-the-art fitness center, an indoor heated pool, a 1200-square foot meeting facility, and a complimentary deluxe continental breakfast — all for about $90 a night. (Did I mention the hotel is practically brand new — only 18 months old and in fantastic shape with beautiful appointments in the rooms?)

What we do not provide is valet service, bell service or room service. (We don’t even have a restaurant on site!) And yet my staff is forever lugging luggage for guests who “expect” such things. And setting up breakfast two hours early to accommodate one person who thinks they need the whole thing set up when they’re only going to get yogurt and a banana. (I kid you not. People do that all the damn time.) And asking us to bring them coffee from the air pots downstairs instead of making coffee in their rooms. (We provide a coffee pot and three types of gourmet coffee in all rooms.) What the hell is wrong with people? My daily experiences are beginning to remind me of this post on Wil Wheaton’s blog a couple of weeks ago.

Inspired by Waiter, I’m thinking about starting a blog called Hotelier Rant and referring to myself as “Hotelier.” But I’ll never actually do it because (a) I’m not technologically savvy enough to do know how, and (b) I’m terribly frightened that some of my friends would shorten to “Ho Rant.” (You know who you are, bastards.)



And While I’m At It…

As long as I’m posting photos of cute kids, I might as well include one of my cousin’s kids, Antigone and Simon. They are so cute. Tig is all girl. She once showed me her “tree” pose from her yoga video, which was awesome for a kid who was only five years old at the time. Simon is all boy and loves to watch cartoons (which he’s only allowed to do at his grandma’s house). They are both addicted to JuicyJuice and Lunchables — which are grandma-only things, too.



And For Good Measure…

I suppose I should probably include a photo of Dax’s older brother and sister, Asher and Tayden. They’re just precious, aren’t they? Well, aren’t they?!?



Hello, Dax

Pictures of the new nephew, Dax, arrived in my inbox this morning. So here they are! He had some breathing issues, including a hole in his lung, but he is almost completely weaned off the oxygen now. Even though he was born last Thursday at 8:22 a.m., my sister didn’t get to hold him until last night around 9:00 p.m. Frankly, I think that sucks and that the hospital staff was jerking her around to make things easier on themselves rather than doing what was right for mother and child. (I have some pretty serious issues with medical personnel and babies. Sign me up for a midwife or doula. Thanks for teaching me to think for myself, Kimboboobie!) At any rate, he will likely go home tomorrow.



I Win!

4:53 pm · category: Embracing My Inner Geek

Part of a conversation I had with a guest last week when he checked in:

Me: Make it so!….. Man, I have got to stop using Star Trek references in front of normal people. I’m such a geek.
Guest: No! I got it! I’m a geek, too.
Me: You’re not as big a geek as I am.
Guest: Oh, yeah? Well, I own a (something Star Wars related that I knew nothing about.).
Me: I own a T-shirt that says “Joss Whedon is my master now.”
Guest: I wrote a paper in college about Twisted Sister’s impact on family values.
Me: I wrote a 75-page thesis in seminary about Buffy Summers as Christ-figure.
Guest: [a beat] You win.
Me: The guy who screams at the beginning of the We’re Not Gonna Take It video had a recurring role in Buffy. His name is Mark Metcalf.
Guest: [another beat] You really win.

The real issue here is not who is the bigger geek, but rather why either of us would compete for that distinction.



Birth Announcement

2:44 pm · category: Uncategorized

This morning my youngest sister had her (third and final) baby. His name is Daxon Brooks, and he weighed seven pounds even and was measured at 20 inches.

No word yet on whether or not he’s as hairy as the last one.