Steve Miller Band Sucks. Mostly.

2:20 am · category: Uncategorized

I grew up fewer than 70 miles from the Riverfront Amphitheater in Little Rock, AR. Now, I’ve seen the Arkansas River — on which the Riverfront Amphitheater sits — a gozillion times, but most of those times I was either driving over it or carousing in one of the glass-plated elevators (which overlook the water) in the Little Rock Peabody Hotel during a scholastic competition or convention to which I’d taken my (former) students.

But I’m not a total dud. One of my earliest dating memories is of attending a concert at the amphitheater c. 1990 with my first boyfriend. We went to a jazz festival that was headlined by — I believe — the Benny Goodman Orchestra, even though good ole Benny had been dead since 1986. And even though it rained the whole time, there was a vendor booth with Thai food and none of the trumpets forget to bring their mutes.

A couple of years ago I went to the RiverMarket (the area in which the Riverfront Amphitheater is located) with a gay male friend. I remember that we stopped to talk with a man who made a big deal out of being a Gypsy. When I asked if he was a Roma Gypsy, he got all pissed off and ranted about how Romas give other gypsies a bad name. (There was a lot of spitting involved, too. I thought that was just a stereotype, but perhaps not.) Then he took off on a tangent about being a former professional wrestler who was, at one point, a tag-team partner with the Junkyard Dog. At that point I asked him how Sylvester was, and he said “Sly” was doing just fine, even though JYD (AKA Sylvester Ritter) had been dead for more than four years. I was polite but left in disappointment, even though when my companion and I arrived at the gay disco club the men outside the club kept saying things like, “Mmmm, she’s cute,” and, “Damn, I wish I’d brought one of those with me.”

And then, right at ten years ago, I went to a concert at the Riverfront Amphitheater with a high school friend. The Steve Miller Band headlined the event, and in light of such I was looking forward to the evening. Because, hello! He’s a picker, grinner, lover and sinner.

But, you know, it turned out that the Steve Miller Band sucks live. Fortunately, the Doobie Brothers opened for them. Now, it might be that I hold a special spot in my heart for the Doobies because of their long-forgotten appearance on What’s Happening!! — one of my fondest childhood memories. (Yes, yes. My television choices have never been particularly remarkable.) But honestly, who doesn’t love Black Water?

Ohhhh! I almost forgot the whole point of the post. It turns out that the quickest way to disengage the kittens from any spot they desire that I don’t want them to be in is to sing — at the top of my lungs —

Some people call me Maurice!

….. and then the kittens disappear…..

Okay, it’s late now. I must go to bed soon so that I can

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